i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
