I am in a vortex of obligation.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
