We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
