I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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