Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
