Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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