oh god the rape fog is back!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
