Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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