literally had 100 drinks last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
