i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
