were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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