butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
