I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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