I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
