you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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