my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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