pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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