My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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