Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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