if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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