Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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