Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
