Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
