So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
