She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
