it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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