I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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