ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
