dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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