I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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