Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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