I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
