In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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