On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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