Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
