Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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