The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
