hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
