he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
