you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
