we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
