I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
