saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We left an ass print on the piano.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
