I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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