dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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