Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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