we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize