party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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