I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
