it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
