I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
