I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
