I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
