We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
