Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
