Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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