If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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