i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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