im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
