Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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