K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
