my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
