she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
