Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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