Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
