U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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