I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
