Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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